Mail Y'all!

 

Ok So maybe it's email but last time I checked that is the new snail mail :)

Although I find it a sweet surprise when I recieve actual letters and cards from loved ones. So I will probably never make the complete switch to the online only letter.

 

I get many emails with questions and advice from people all over the world. As usual I want to express that I am in no way qualified to give advice on any of these questions. Although I am under qualified, I am intrigued by the variety of topics I recieve on a daily basis. I apologize that I am not able to get to each and every question but my beautiful chaotic life does not allow me to reply to every email. Fingers crossed I win the lotto and free up some time to respond to all of your questions on a regular basis....:)

 

The Question Of The Day

 

Dear Una Bella Anima,

My wife and I have been married for 12 years. We love eachother very much. Love is not the issue. The issue is that I have a very high sex drive and my wife does not. In years past I have just taken care of my needs by myself when she is not in the mood. (which is often) I am getting tired of taking care of my own needs without my partner. I would like her to join in and have more sex with me. I not only want more sex with her I want her to spice it up with me. I have talked to her about role play and other avenues that we could use to spice it up but she is not interested. She say's she loves our sex life. I do not. I love her but not our sex life. When my wife and I go to dinner I wish she would dress in a sexy dress or wear something more then jeans and a cotton white hanes T Shirt! My wife jokes that she doesn't have to try to dress nice for me anymore because she has already got me so why bother. I think I may have a solution to my problem and I would like your advice on how to bring it up to my wife and if you think it will be good for my marriage. So here goes....

 

I would like to have a semi open relationship with my wife. I want to find a girl to join us in bed together as a threesome. I would also like to be allowed to have sex with this other woman anytime I want on my own. I feel this will give my wife a break so she doesn't have to try to fill my high sexual appetite. I think this would be great because it feels like my wife thinks sex is a chore. So we can stay married and grow old together and my physical needs will be taken care of at the same time! What do you think?

Sincerely, JB

Well hello JB,

Let me first clarify the definition os a threesome and other similar sexual activities involving three people.

A threesome commonly refers to sexual activity that involves three people at the same time. When sexual activity is centred on one of the threesome, then the activity may be described as a gang bang of the person. "Threesome" can also refer to a love triangle, a three-way romantic relationship. Though a threesome most commonly is applied to a casual sexual activity involving a sexual activity of three participants, it may also be found in a long-term domestic relationship, such as polyamory or a ménage à trois.

 

Mr. Kind Heart

 

Your question is so interesting on many levels. I shared your question with my husband Mr. Kind Heart last night to get his thoughts on the matter. My husband did not think your wife would take it well unless this was something that you both had previously discussed or at least played around with the idea together.

For some couples a threesome is a wonderful option. I don't doubt that there are many marriages that benefit from opening up their relationship and inviting others in. I believe if your wife chooses to do this with you then rules need to be put into place. She may want to pick the new partner. She may not want you to kiss the new partner or other acts that many women consider very personal. When you introduce this idea to your wife please understand that it may go just how you would like or it may be more like this.....

                          I feel this is the more likely option.

I base my opinion on your chances of this going well on a key piece of information in your email.

 

 

 

 

You stated that your wife was not interested in participating in role play.

 

Dressing up in a sexy costume for your spouse is on a whole different level then inviting a new person into your marital bed. Let alone conitinuing the sexual relationship with the new partner when your wife does not feel up to joining in.

 

You may want to consider how you will feel seeing your wife in a sexual act with another person. She may decide she is ok with this new addition to your sex life if the new partner is a male. You specifically pointed out that you would like a partner of the female variety in your email but for some women that would be an issue. Introducing a man may be ok with her but a deal breaker for you. I think the biggest thing you need to consider is your wife and that once you suggest this you are opening a door that you may never be able to close even at the mere suggestion of it.

In my opinion your wife is not going to think this is a great idea. I think you suggesting this to her will hurt her terribly.

 

 You May Feel That You Had An AH HA! Moment.

 

I would agree with you suggesting this to your spouse if she is very liberal in the sack and maybe a bit of an extrovert. Even if she is into experimentation she may not want to allow you to experiment with a new partner. If you have a high sexual appetite and she does not that would warrant a mass amount of communication before you introduce this idea. I would use kid gloves when talking to your wife about this. She could feel that you think she is inadequate and this could cause many other problems to pop up in your relationship.

 

My advice is to take one step at a time. Communicate what you would like from her in the sex department and ask what she would like. Try to cater to her needs and in turn ask her to cater to yours in the bed room. It can be uncomfortable to try new things in the sack if you aren't open to the idea of it. Once your wife realizes how important your sexual needs are to you she may be willing to try to fulfill them. She may have needs you are not meeting as well that once you fulfill them will open a new chapter to a fantastic sexy time between you and your lady.

 

 

I want to strongly caution you to handle this carefuly otherwise it could turn out like this........

 

When I first read your email I did not get the idea that your wife will be on board with this. I do know a few couples that have been together for years with an open relationship and it works for them. The differences between those couples and what I understand about your relationship from your email is huge. The couples I know have pretty matched sex drives, are very liberal sexually as individuals and as couples and they have honest communication on a constant basis with clear guidelines for their situation.

 

My initial reaction was to give you the advice to get in your car and head to the nearest hotel because that is where you will now be living when your wife kicks you out.

 

 

What about the third party in the threesome?

 

The problem with a threesome in my view is that you have to objectify the third party or else approach it as a polyamorous relationship. You basically either turn the third party into a living breathing vibrator, or you make them part of your relationship. I don't want a third party as part of my marriage and it's not fair to treat the other person like an object to be used for our gratification. Not to mention the risk of the third party and you or your wife starting an emotional relationship with each other outside of the bedroom.

 

It would take a book to truly cover all of the dynamics in this situation that you are proposing. I hope that I have at least given you some food for thought.

 

My Final Opinion Is:

Three Is A Crowd