THE PTA MOM!

Dare I post about the PTA Mom? Well she is now known as the PTG Mom aka Parent Teacher Group Mom.

 

I will refer to her as the PTA Mom for the sake of this blog entry. The term PTG is relatively new and is not as well known as the term PTA Mom at this point. When I picture the typical PTA Mom I have a very clear vision of what she looks like. There are three types of PTA Moms.

 

The PTA Mom that sports the Mom jeans and is at every school event whether her children want her around or not. This mother can be seen working hard at all PTA events and brown nosing every staff member she can.

The Mom jean for those who don't know what a Mom jean look's like.

You're Welcome

 

The Mom jean can easily cause a camel toe on your lady parts.

If you don't know what a camel toe is here is an example with Ms. Spears.

It look's like a camels toe on your um.... vagina.

You're Welcome

 

Next up is the Mom that wants to prove that she is still young and hot. This Mom can be seen in very small clothing being extra friendly to the Dad's of the children in your childs school. If she has a daughter she may dress her mini me in equally innapropriate clothing paving the way to a lucrative future pole dancing career for her tiny clone.

 

Yep.....

 

Or if you don't want to dress your daughter to match your whorish fashion you can alway's dress her to match an actual whore character like Wendy Dickey did with her little girl.

 

 

The 3rd type of PTA MOM.

The average Mom

I use myself as an example because I don't fit into either of the first two catagories.

I have met many PTA Moms like me that end up quitting the PTA because they can't seem to be accepted by Mom 1 and don't fit in or want to hang out with Mom 2. This Mom can be seen smiling and nodding while listening to the rant of either Mom 1 or Mom 2. When this Mom is really thinking......

 

 

Next school year my 3 older children will be starting grades 1, 3 and 6. I think I will yet again join the PTA. Yeah that's right I am not going to give up hope that there will be a fantastic group of women that just want to help their children's school. I will not let those life sucking leeches run me off. I think it's time to make the PTA more enjoyable so that more people want to join up and help out. So I ask you Mom's that have some time to join the PTA because the schools really do need help. When the school year starts I will get back to this blog and post the journey I take as a member of the PTA or umm... PTG.

 

 

Ha ha ha sorry. I couldn't help it :)

 

 

Wish me luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey Fuck - Tard Get Off My Saddle Shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have 4 children. Yes I said it 4. When I say it out loud I still can't believe it. They are absolutely the most fabulous children in the world. Not that I am bias or anything. I have 1 boy. He is my oldest and ALL BOY. This blog post however is focused on my 3 daughters because I highly doubt my sports loving son could give a rats ass about any of the topics I am about to approach with of course an honest and delightful approach. (see title for a piece of the delightful pie)

 Recently one of my daughters came home from school and was mortified that a boy had stepped on her white dress shoes. She expressed with great concern that there was now scuffs on these shoes and she was beside herself with grief. Questions came flying out of her mouth at a rapid speed. She wanted to know how to get the scuffs off. She wondered how she would ever be able to wear her pretty dresses when nobody will be able to see the true beauty of the dress because they will not be able to take their eye's off of her tainted shoe! Most of all she wanted ANSWERS! She was beside herself in disbelief that this boy saw nothing wrong with creating a premanent mark on her sparkling white shoe.

 To understand why my daughter was in such devestation over what some may see as a non issue you would have to know my daughter.

 This is her at 3 years old.

 

My oldest daughter Sweet Pea now 8 years old.

More proof that Sweet Pea was a born lady

 Who doesn't love a tutu?

 It just so happens that the same day my 5 year old daughter came off the bus in a furious state. It turns out that a boy on the bus told her that he hated her black leather dress shoes. She could not believe that he would be so mean to her about her pretty shoes! ( Her words) She then told me that this boy doesn't know how pretty her shoes are because he is a boy.

                                                                              She had a point

Again you would need to know my daughter to understand her frusteration. I am not her biological mother although I have been raising her with my hubby since she was just starting to wear pull ups so she is my baby girl as well. When I started dating my husband he was a single Father raising his baby girl the majority of the time with visits to her biological Mommy. He had her dressed in camo often and sported a camo diaper bag. I had a talk with him one day that he needed to put barretts in her hair on a regular basis so she would be used to the feel of wearing things in her hair for when she was old enough to have her hair fixed everyday. To my delight he started putting barretts in her hair almost everyday and even carried them around in the pockets of his camo shorts. He impressed me when he painted her little nails by himself. (Fantastic Daddy For Sure) Since this little sweetie is being raised the majority of the time by her Daddy and I it comes as no surprise that she is as equally feminine as my 8 year old precious daughter.

Our 5 year old little Ginger Snap

 

A Little Lady

 

Seriously can't pass up a tutu...EVER

 

All of this talk about my daughters and their obvious love of shoes required a trip down memory lane for yours truly. To fully understand where my wee ones have obtained their love of all things feminine I must take a look at my own history of......

 Sugar & Spice!

 

 

The Momma Bear

 

As a child I once had long hair but one day my mother gave me this blasphemous hair cut that looks to be part shag and part bowl cut. This gem of a picture was taken in Tennessee. That aside check out the awesome red sunglasses pin on my crop top. I declared said pin lucky and refused to go a day without wearing it until it was lost on my trip back to Washington State. Obviously it was lucky because  I caught this sweet ass fish while wearing it.

 

Fast forward and we have another fish picture with a pink plaid shirt i may have strategically worn to show that I can blend with the fisher folk for a fishing adventure with my husband. Clearly I have a standard pose when holding a dead fish that I then pass off to my loving husband to gut for me. (Thank's Babe)

 

This shoe situation with 2 of my daughters reminded me of my childhood saddle shoes. Oh yes SADDLE SHOES!

I loved my saddle shoes like no other. I wore them every time I had the chance. I would have slept in them if they were more comfortable. Then tragedy struck. I remember it like yesterday.  I was a shy first grader  minding my own business with my friend Polly on the monkey bars. Just then a boy with a head full of giant red curls came over and made fun of my prized saddle shoes.

                    Yep!

 

This boy that is burned into my memory forever told me that I was a nerd because my shoes were only the shoes that a dork would wear. He then stomped on my shoe with his giant hiking boot scuffing them beyond repair.

What????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

From that day forward I refused to wear my saddle shoes and I told my mother I hated them because they were ugly. Looking back I should have just worn them anyway and given that Jack Ass the finger. Well the tiny first grader finger that is.

 

 

This gesture probably would have been sufficient

 

(Insert Na Na Na Na Boo Boo Here)

This journey down memory lane reminds me that I must teach my daughters to embrace their individual style no matter what anyone else thinks about it. I need to remind them that although they are beautiful that eventually look's fade and their heart is what matters. To not take anything anyone say's to them during their school years personally because it won't matter later in life and to embrace their femininity because it's the icing on the cake of being a woman.

 

Our youngest little lady in our household is 5 months old and she is already a Delicate Flower.

3 months old

 

A hair flower is a staple in the life of a little lady.

 

 

Again tutu.... need I say more?

 

Due to the fact that the thought of the day is about shoes I need to pay tribute to shoe don'ts of the past.

 

CLOGS

I am not sure if these need an explanation since clogs are one of my all time least favorite shoes. My Mother bought me clogs a few times as a child and I alway's thought they were the ugliest shoe anyone had ever created. I am probably wrong on that but it was the view of a child..:)

 

Clogs with a heel? Nope still gross

Painted Clog..... Ummmm ditto.

 

 

 

The Jelly Sandal

Ok I am torn on these shoes. I had them as a child and they were rad! I then had them when they made an unfortunate come back in Junior High. EEK! Fail!

 

In my opinion the Grand Daddy of hideous and yes I owned a pair!

Wait for it..... Wait for it........

The platform sneaker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm at a loss for words on this one.

I would rather sport a pair of clear platforms with goldfish in the heels then these craptastic eye sores!

 

In conclusion:

Yes shoes are superficial. Shoes are not important at all in the long run. Family is all that ever truly matters. But every now and then we women salute the shoe because I am pretty sure we are naturally drawn to it like a fly to a bug zapper. There must be something in our DNA that explains the shoe fetish experienced by ladies everywhere.

 

So Saddle Shoes........................

 

I Salute You!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mail Y'all!

 

Ok So maybe it's email but last time I checked that is the new snail mail :)

Although I find it a sweet surprise when I recieve actual letters and cards from loved ones. So I will probably never make the complete switch to the online only letter.

 

I get many emails with questions and advice from people all over the world. As usual I want to express that I am in no way qualified to give advice on any of these questions. Although I am under qualified, I am intrigued by the variety of topics I recieve on a daily basis. I apologize that I am not able to get to each and every question but my beautiful chaotic life does not allow me to reply to every email. Fingers crossed I win the lotto and free up some time to respond to all of your questions on a regular basis....:)

 

The Question Of The Day

 

Dear Una Bella Anima,

My wife and I have been married for 12 years. We love eachother very much. Love is not the issue. The issue is that I have a very high sex drive and my wife does not. In years past I have just taken care of my needs by myself when she is not in the mood. (which is often) I am getting tired of taking care of my own needs without my partner. I would like her to join in and have more sex with me. I not only want more sex with her I want her to spice it up with me. I have talked to her about role play and other avenues that we could use to spice it up but she is not interested. She say's she loves our sex life. I do not. I love her but not our sex life. When my wife and I go to dinner I wish she would dress in a sexy dress or wear something more then jeans and a cotton white hanes T Shirt! My wife jokes that she doesn't have to try to dress nice for me anymore because she has already got me so why bother. I think I may have a solution to my problem and I would like your advice on how to bring it up to my wife and if you think it will be good for my marriage. So here goes....

 

I would like to have a semi open relationship with my wife. I want to find a girl to join us in bed together as a threesome. I would also like to be allowed to have sex with this other woman anytime I want on my own. I feel this will give my wife a break so she doesn't have to try to fill my high sexual appetite. I think this would be great because it feels like my wife thinks sex is a chore. So we can stay married and grow old together and my physical needs will be taken care of at the same time! What do you think?

Sincerely, JB

Well hello JB,

Let me first clarify the definition os a threesome and other similar sexual activities involving three people.

A threesome commonly refers to sexual activity that involves three people at the same time. When sexual activity is centred on one of the threesome, then the activity may be described as a gang bang of the person. "Threesome" can also refer to a love triangle, a three-way romantic relationship. Though a threesome most commonly is applied to a casual sexual activity involving a sexual activity of three participants, it may also be found in a long-term domestic relationship, such as polyamory or a ménage à trois.

 

Mr. Kind Heart

 

Your question is so interesting on many levels. I shared your question with my husband Mr. Kind Heart last night to get his thoughts on the matter. My husband did not think your wife would take it well unless this was something that you both had previously discussed or at least played around with the idea together.

For some couples a threesome is a wonderful option. I don't doubt that there are many marriages that benefit from opening up their relationship and inviting others in. I believe if your wife chooses to do this with you then rules need to be put into place. She may want to pick the new partner. She may not want you to kiss the new partner or other acts that many women consider very personal. When you introduce this idea to your wife please understand that it may go just how you would like or it may be more like this.....

                          I feel this is the more likely option.

I base my opinion on your chances of this going well on a key piece of information in your email.

 

 

 

 

You stated that your wife was not interested in participating in role play.

 

Dressing up in a sexy costume for your spouse is on a whole different level then inviting a new person into your marital bed. Let alone conitinuing the sexual relationship with the new partner when your wife does not feel up to joining in.

 

You may want to consider how you will feel seeing your wife in a sexual act with another person. She may decide she is ok with this new addition to your sex life if the new partner is a male. You specifically pointed out that you would like a partner of the female variety in your email but for some women that would be an issue. Introducing a man may be ok with her but a deal breaker for you. I think the biggest thing you need to consider is your wife and that once you suggest this you are opening a door that you may never be able to close even at the mere suggestion of it.

In my opinion your wife is not going to think this is a great idea. I think you suggesting this to her will hurt her terribly.

 

 You May Feel That You Had An AH HA! Moment.

 

I would agree with you suggesting this to your spouse if she is very liberal in the sack and maybe a bit of an extrovert. Even if she is into experimentation she may not want to allow you to experiment with a new partner. If you have a high sexual appetite and she does not that would warrant a mass amount of communication before you introduce this idea. I would use kid gloves when talking to your wife about this. She could feel that you think she is inadequate and this could cause many other problems to pop up in your relationship.

 

My advice is to take one step at a time. Communicate what you would like from her in the sex department and ask what she would like. Try to cater to her needs and in turn ask her to cater to yours in the bed room. It can be uncomfortable to try new things in the sack if you aren't open to the idea of it. Once your wife realizes how important your sexual needs are to you she may be willing to try to fulfill them. She may have needs you are not meeting as well that once you fulfill them will open a new chapter to a fantastic sexy time between you and your lady.

 

 

I want to strongly caution you to handle this carefuly otherwise it could turn out like this........

 

When I first read your email I did not get the idea that your wife will be on board with this. I do know a few couples that have been together for years with an open relationship and it works for them. The differences between those couples and what I understand about your relationship from your email is huge. The couples I know have pretty matched sex drives, are very liberal sexually as individuals and as couples and they have honest communication on a constant basis with clear guidelines for their situation.

 

My initial reaction was to give you the advice to get in your car and head to the nearest hotel because that is where you will now be living when your wife kicks you out.

 

 

What about the third party in the threesome?

 

The problem with a threesome in my view is that you have to objectify the third party or else approach it as a polyamorous relationship. You basically either turn the third party into a living breathing vibrator, or you make them part of your relationship. I don't want a third party as part of my marriage and it's not fair to treat the other person like an object to be used for our gratification. Not to mention the risk of the third party and you or your wife starting an emotional relationship with each other outside of the bedroom.

 

It would take a book to truly cover all of the dynamics in this situation that you are proposing. I hope that I have at least given you some food for thought.

 

My Final Opinion Is:

Three Is A Crowd

 

 

 

Bling Bling It's a v thing!

This is a post about the vagina. Yes friends the vagina.

I want to take a few minutes and explore the lengths women go to when grooming their vagina. We women wax our lady zone, shave it, trim it and even color it. This takes time, costs money and is painful!

As if these adventures were not enough some douche canoe came up with Vajazzling and Feathered Vaginas!

Feathered Vagina: The act of having feathers glued onto your vagina for aesthetic purposes.

WTF?

You too can have your pussy look like a peacock for around one hundred bucks!

Since when did it become hot to glue feathers on your downstairs?

 I am truly baffled by this trend.

Vajazzling:The act of applying glitter and jewels to a womans bikini area for aesthetic purposes.

So let me get this straight I need to bedazzle my naughty bits to make them enticing for my hubby? In my opinion Both women and men's naughty bits are not very attractive body parts. I don't think sticking feathers or gems on a vagina will make it any more attractive.

Gone are the day's of the hairy beaver but........

What about one of these neat and tidy options?

 

In conclusion I think any man that comes across a feathered lady V may want to question her sanity before diving into that birds nest........

Think about it

Does this hypocrisy look good with my purse?

Today friends we explore the world of hypocrisy. Recently it has come to my attention that there are hypocrites at every turn in life. I find hypocrites to be a genuine form of comedy for me.

Hypocrisy= The state of pretending to have beliefs, opinions,virtues, ideals, thoughts,feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.

FAMOUS HYPOCRITES


Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton famously supported the "Rock the vote" campaign. She stated how important it was to vote. Oddly enough Ms. Hilton never voted and later claimed she had no idea where to go to register to vote.


Robert Atkins Founder Of The Atkins Diet.

Robert Atkins of the Atkins Diet fame convinced millions that carbs are evil and that by cutting them out of their diet and hitting those proteins, low weight and great health could be achieved. He’s a hypocrite because following his own diet and loading up on those high protein steaks clogged his arteries leading to the heart attack that dropped him like a bag of dirt. And to think - people are still following his advice and he’s been dead since 2003.


Jenna Jameson Peta Activist

Jenna Jameson who fishes with her boyfriend, has an addiction to raw oysters, and wears and poses in leather and fur is a PETA darling however. They both eat things on PETA’s no-no list, and they both hunt - fishing is a form of hunting after all, but Jameson lends her naked body and name to PETA for promotional posters so her transgressions are forgiven. For that, Ms. Jameson is a hypocrite.



John Travolta And His Beloved Plane.

John Travolta is outspoken regarding the need to use alternative fuels, yet in his private life he owns several jets including a Boeing 707 that can transport 150 passengers. That is all well and good, except that he likes the 707 so much he will fly it even if it is just to get himself from point A to point B rather than a smaller jet that would use far less fuel.



In Conclusion we all know hypocrites. The Parent that is not in their child's life but claims to want to be. The friend that gives life advice while not following that same advice they gave. Being a hypocrite comes in many forms. The biggest thing for a hypocrite to remember is that actions truly do speak louder then words.

In all honesty I get a good laugh out of hypocrisy and clearly these hypocrites we all know and love are in good company with Ms. Hilton, Ms. Jameson,Mr. Atkins and Mr. Travolta.